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BENTONVILLE, AR—Retail giant Wal-Mart has announced in recent weeks that, effective immediately, it is cutting as many as 13,000 of what it somehow has the audacity to refer to as "jobs" from its corporate payroll.

According to Wal-Mart representatives, the, for lack of a better word, positions will be cut from the company's underperforming Sam's Club division. Analysts reported that Monday's layoffs marked one of the largest so-called downsizings of what can hardly even be termed employment in the company's history.

"Obviously, it is a sad day whenever we have to let go of any of the people we have dehumanized so thoroughly that we can barely muster the will to describe them as employees," Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke told reporters. "However, this is a business, and we must do what we can to stay competitive while still paying our existing workforce what we actually refer to with a straight face as wages."

Sources inside the company confirmed that roughly 1,200 people will be forced to leave what one might very charitably characterize as their careers in the neon-lit dungeon known as the membership recruitment office. In addition, another 10,000 worn husks of human beings will be relieved of what it literally induces pain to say are their job responsibilities handing out free in-store samples to customers.

"We tried to solve the problem by cutting what is hard for me in good conscience to even call benefits," Duke said. "We even tried negotiating with what we would probably refer to as... READ ON from THE ONION

George W. Bush jacked up the country’s debt ceiling—and Stephen Colbert counts them all in this clip.

Truthdigreports.... WATCH

TRUTHDIG.org: The legendary musician tells Robert Scheer that his new album, including a song inspired by one of Scheer’s Truthdig columns, was written out of feeling frustrated, helpless and angry with current events.

Listen to the first track, “No Banker Left Behind,” previewed exclusively on Truthdig, and a discussion about the new album on Truthdig Radio below. Let us know here if you want to be alerted when tickets go on sale for a Ry Cooder concert in September benefiting Truthdig.  LISTEN to the track and read the interview

Lyrics to Gangsters by The Specials:

Bernie Rhodes knows Don't Argue

Why must you record my phone calls?
Are you planning a bootleg LP?
Said you've been threatened by gangsters
Now it's you, that's threatening me

Read more...